You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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