so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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