i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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