i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
