threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
