Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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