I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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