I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
