when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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