After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she pinky promised me she was 18
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
