I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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