Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
