I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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