Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
