Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
