I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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