I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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