we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
