haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
