Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
