Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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