Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
