It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
