why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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