I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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