I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
