this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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