Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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