Do you still have your period?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
