Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
