I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
