she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
