I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
