tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
