so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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