the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's rum buckets o'clock
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
