There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
