i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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