I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
