her vagine was all disorganized.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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