If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
