This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
