I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
