maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
