I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize