hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
