Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
