I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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