you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
