She is in my trunk
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
