Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
