i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
