gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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