So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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