im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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