Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
