You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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