Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
