Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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