I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
