I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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