who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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