If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
They have beer where we have blood.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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