break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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