Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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