hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
