bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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