Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
