just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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