I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
