I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
