Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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