so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
