guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
