hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
