If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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