so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I need a beard to bite.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
