You're completely useless in the revolution.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
