Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
