my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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