The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
