Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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