Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
